Mum-to-be ‘fuming’ after mother-in-law announces pregnancy she wanted to keep private
If you’d asked someone in your close circle to keep something a secret, you’d like to think they would, right?
Well, one woman was heartbroken when her mother-in-law told others that she was pregnant – despite the fact she’d explicitly said not to tell anyone.
She took to Mumsnet to express her disappointment, explaining she was so gutted because she’d experienced a miscarriage before.
She wrote: “I am fuming… and trying to work out whether it’s just trauma reactivated or whether I have a right to be as angry as I am.
“We got pregnant the first time at the same time as one of my husband’s cousins. It’s a close family, and we were starting the new generation, so announced our pregnancies to the family together.
“I’d had an early scan, so thought things were ok, but by my three-month scan, baby’s heartbeat had stopped (at 11 weeks). Was devastated and hated having to tell everyone. Cousin’s pregnancy went well and brought a healthy baby girl.
“Our second pregnancy gave us our gorgeous daughter.
“I’m now pregnant again, but it’s still early. Didn’t want to tell anyone, but mother in law (MIL) was coming to visit and I’ve been feeling so ill we had to share with her. She promised she’d keep quiet.
“Today, my husband gets a message from his cousin – they are pregnant again – and my MIL just told them we are too. Her words to them (she’s said nothing to us): ‘I’ve been so good not telling anyone so far’.
“Ummmmm you just told?? And to the people I’d probably least like to know right now, given our history. (It also means the wider family will know now – they’re all rubbish at keeping secrets.) I’m trying not to spiral, but it just feels like it’s happening all over again, with us and them pregnant at the same time, and them knowing about us while there’s still a substantial risk of me miscarrying…
“I so wanted to keep the pregnancy protected and private, at least until we’ve had a scan and I’ve had a chance to process properly.
“How would you handle this situation? Confrontation that involves showing how hurt I am, or just a quiet ‘you idiot, you weren’t supposed to tell! haha’.”
The post received a mixed response, with some feeling the original poster’s pain, but others excusing the grandma’s behaviour.
“I’d do nothing, she’s an excited grandma to be”, one wrote.
“But that doesn’t give her the right to share news that she has been specifically asked not to”, another quipped.
Someone else said: “She “promised to keep quiet” so ask her why she didn’t and explain that you won’t be sharing any future news with her as she cannot be trusted to keep her word. Hope everything goes well for you.”
“I’d get my husband to have a word”, someone suggested.
Another echoed that sentiment, writing: “I’d get your husband to have a face-to-face chat with her and say how hurt he is as her son that she betrayed his confidence knowing full well this was information that you aren’t happy to share yet.
“If she tries to come over to yours I’d probably be ‘busy’ for a while and if she phones I would explain that she has upset you and you need some time.
“Yes she probably is excited but that doesn’t she gets to blab especially knowing you have had a miscarriage previously. She has overstepped the mark. Having said all this it really does depend on your relationship.
“If you see her every week and she does childcare for you perhaps you be inclined to not say anything? I think if it was me I’d at the very least say that I was upset by this. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy.”